Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
