The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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