Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
