jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My ATM looks so different sober.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
