No stitches, just platelets and will power
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
