Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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