I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
