That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
