why didn't you poke me back
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
