Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
