we made out on top of his cat.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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