actually, I'm a sock model
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
