That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
