eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
