You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
