i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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