I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
