Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
