No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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