No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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