New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
