a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
