So drunk its hurt
Pappa wants mamma naked
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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