there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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