i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
