he wants to bone in the snuggie
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
