I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
