so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
