I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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