last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
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