Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
