i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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