To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
