I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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