kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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