You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
