Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
