dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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