i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Randomize
