Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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