It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
