Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You have to summon your inner elephant
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
