I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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