please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
