'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
