i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
