Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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