I'm lost and stupid without you.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
