This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
