just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
