I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
