yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
