They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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