At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
