i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He shit in the fireplace
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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