I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
home. puking in laundry basket.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
