Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
