HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
