My nipple is on Facebook.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
