I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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