remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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