The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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