whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
