Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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