I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
