captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
