Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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