Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
