I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
