Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
