News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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